I played a team game with a couple of my friends last night. I took Madrak, my teammate, Wade, took Doomshaper. Wade's fiance, Haley, took Kromac (the same one that leaped off my painting table) and her teammate, Kater, brought his Searforge. We grabbed a nice table in the back corner of the gaming area, since we were full-up on C2A games last night. The store was pretty crowded, so you had to work to get to where we were.
Wade and I won the roll and we get deployed. The other team finishes deployment when the stereotypical nerd trundles up to our table. He's wearing gray sweatpants (don't they always?), a t-shirt that's two sizes too small and a jacket of some kind.
I've seen him before. He just started playing Magic, and often wants to see all of the pre-constructed decks and then wants to know if there are specific cards in the tournament packs. He's a little dense, and more than a little creepy. The unwashed hair and acne do nothing to help his image. Sadly, he wears the card player stereotype very well.
Anyway, this is what goes down:
Nerd: [looks at Haley and me] "Hey, you two shouldn't be playing a game. You should be having a cat fight."
[Haley and I exchange bewildered looks, Wade and Kater can sense trouble]
Me: "Really? Are you sure about that? I should probably let you know -- I know karate."
"Uh... "
"And really, you shouldn't talk shit to people you don't know. You'll end up wearing your nutsack for a hat."
"Uh... hey, what's this?" [picks up Sentry Stone]
"Deployed. You also shouldn't pick up shit during people's games."
"Uh... so what game is this? Warhammer?"
All of us: "Warmachine and Hordes."
[Nerd wanders to the next table]
I would have been able to keep a straight face if not for the fact Haley started cracking up. It's because I told her about this t-shirt the day before, which is sadly sold out. I was gonna buy it when I got home last night.
Anyway, we all got a good laugh out of it. And the karate line came up a lot last night -- "OK, my Spray Bunny is gonna target the Mauler." Really? Are you sure? He knows karate.
I would have gone full uber bitch on the nerd if I was at 100%... since I've been fighting what is likely walking pneumonia, I've been a little more mellow. That, and I saw an opportunity to make a funny. :P Frankly, I'm surprised the nerd came up and engaged us -- he must not be afeared of teh wimmins. But really, what would make you tell two females they should be having a cat fight? And seriously, you do not pick up someone's models without permission.
There are days when I wonder how the fuck some people can manage leaving the house and being out in society. Granted, it's better that they get out of their basements (I guess), but seriously. I'm no stranger to working in a game store. Do I really need to attract all of the dorks? And do they always have to be the creepy ones? Haley's had the same problem at Hobbytown, when she was being "assisted" by one of the scarier employees there.
Other people's children. Damn.
I fail to see the reason behind your hostility towards the young lad. It is a well known fact that when one woman breaches another woman's perimeter, a cat fight ensues. Look it up. It's science. :D
ReplyDeleteThe karate comment was brilliant. Next time, threaten him with a taint punch.
You know, the only problem with making a hat out of his sack would require attention in an area that will never know the touch of a woman (well, without paying for it :P).
ReplyDeleteIn my world, that puts taint punch right out. But that is an amusing thought. ;)
Then again, we do have big wooden table dividers.
/ponder
I am just amazed that you got that comment in your head in like 2 seconds. And yeah the second he said cat fight, I just waited to see how bad it was going to get, for the dude.
ReplyDeleteThe game was fun, and a lot of laughs, which I needed.
The one downer is that I am going to have to stay closer to my wife and kid when there is a lot of people in the store. Kellsie isn't that fast on the witty comments. And I will remind the offender that I know how the monkey steals the peach.
While that's amusing I think we all learned something very important in this blog post.
ReplyDelete"Are you sure you want to engage my dire troll? he knows karate" That's probably the most amusing thing I have read/heard in association with Hordes.
But be nice to those nerds, I used to be one years ago (hopefully its a past thing)...but I was never that crass. His parents should be embarrassed he has the gal to walk up to two women and make such an utterance.
@Kater: The guy is lucky I was witty and didn't just tell him to fuck himself. With the crowd I was running with at Templecon, you *had* to be fast to avoid the dogpile -- trading blows with Tamwulf, Devilsquid, Biggie and Kevin really got me up to speed! If only I had remembered monkey steals peach. Good lord. That falls into the category of "no way in hell is this female touching Nerdo, let alone anything remotely near the crotchital region." Yes, crotchital is now a word. :P
ReplyDelete@Josh: I find it tough to believe you were like this guy. If he comes in when you're there, I'll point him out. He wears the nerd badge with pride, and he looks to be in his late teens, early 20s. If he was "house broken" he'd know better.
I think everything in every army I play from now on knows karate. And how a monkey steals a peach. ;)